Homewrecking

Sometimes I wanna cut a bitch. Really. Gays can be very messy, sloppy, disgusting, and tacky. I know that’s harsh, but the truth hurts. In the gay world, fucking someone elses man is like an Olympic sport. I think its some sort of law...you are not a true homosexual until you have slept with someones boyfriend.

Meet James

James is a 20 year old college student, currently attending the same university that I graduated from last year. We met two years ago when he was a freshman, around the same time I started dating my current BOO. He’s a cute little yellabone...about 5’9, slim toned body, cute smile, and a nice ass. Of course he tried to ride my totem pole, but I really wasn’t feeling him like that. He was a friend to me, and I wanted to keep it that way. But ol boy was persistent. He just kept trying and trying and trying until I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him to back the fuck off and leave me the hell alone.

FAST FORWARD

About a year later, we started talking again. He finally accepted the fact that I had a boyfriend and we were able to move forward with our friendship. He had a boyfriend of his own named Tony. Tony was 6’1, chocolate skinned, and had a body from heaven. Every now and then we would double date. It was good to have friends, because in the gay world friends don’t come around often. You have to watch who you trust, because you will definitely get a knife in your back if you’re not careful.

Lately I noticed that James and my boyfriend were getting a little too close. They would call and text each other throughout the day, and whenever the four of us would hang out they would sit a little too close to each other, and they would give each other looks that were...uhmmm inappropriate. 

Now I’m not a dumbass. I can always tell when something aint right, so I asked my boyfriend one simple question:

Me: Are you fuckin with James?

Boyfriend: What the fuck you mean? Why would you even ask me that dumb shit?

That was all I needed. My suspicions had been confirmed. See, if there wasn’t any truth to it then my BF woulda just answered the fucking question. But instead, he got mad, which means he was fucking James. Right behind my back. Right under my nose. Was this nigga serious? Like really???

This was a delicate situation, and had to be handled with care. I had several options. I could:

1. Slash some tires and cut some folk
2. Fuck Tony
3. Fuck my BFs best friend
4. All of the above.

I quickly ruled out option D, because having sex with two people would make me look like an extreme hoe. I also ruled out option C because my BFs best friend is a woman, and I truly wasn’t in the mood for a fish fry. So it was either option A or option B. Option A was the most attractive, but I really didn’t have the time or the energy for it. And I wasn’t about to fuck Tony...why should I bring him into the situation? Then again, he was already involved.

So there I was...back to square one. Pissed off without any options. I needed to find a clever way to get revenge. I thought about some new options as I poured myself a glass of Moscato. I asked myself what Tremayne (my alter ego...Beyonce has one, why can’t I?) would do in this situation (don’t ask me why). That wasn’t helpful. It just made me horny (again, don’t ask me why). There was a knock at the door...

I poured myself a second glass of Moscato before answering. It was James.

Me: Wow...you are bold.

James: What do you mean?

Me: Don’t act stupid. Why the fuck are you here?

James: Because we need to talk...

The EVIL in me wanted grab him by the throat and bash he head against the wall, but that wouldn’t be very nice. I invited the little bitch in and decided to listen to what he had to say. I started to offer him a drink, but since he was fucking my boyfriend he didn’t deserve my Southern hospitality. We sat on the couch as I poured myself a third glass of Moscato.

Me: The fuck we gotta talk about?

Him: I’m sorry. It was late and I was drunk. I didn’t mean to...

Me: Save that shit. I don’t wanna hear it.

I started to throw his ass out, but the Moscato was taking its effect. I started picturing James with my dick in his mouth. Then I pictured him bent over with my dick up his ass. That wouldn’t be proper revenge, but I didn’t care. I was horny and tipsy, so I made my move and fucked him all over the living room floor. My boyfriend got home just as we were finishing. Awkward, right?

Boyfriend: What the fuck is this?

Me: Payback is a bitch!

You would think that this would be a bad situation, but it wasn’t. We ended up having a threesome. Well, it wasn’t really a threesome. It was more like us running a train on the little bitch. But I STILL didn’t get the proper revenge that I needed. 

The next day, Tony came to my job to discuss the situation. I really didn’t have time for that bullshit, especially at work. I was over it, but obviously Tony wasn’t. I decided that the only way to truly get revenge was to fuck this man. So we went into the restroom and got it in. I recorded the ending on my VIDEO PHONE (*Beyonce voice*) and sent it to James and my boyfriend. I thought the image of myself ejaculating on another mans face would be a good way to get back at them and gain some closure. 

So what’s the moral of this story? There isn’t one...