Learning About Boys...

I don’t wanna be loved...I don’t wanna be loved. Yup, Ms. Miguel (as I like to call him) speaks to my soul with that song. No bite marks, no scratches, no hickeys. Just wham bam thank you maam...get dressed, go home, and call me when you’re ready for round two.  Ok, I’m not THAT raw with it, but I just can’t get dudes to understand that I’m NOT looking for a relationship right now. After being with someone for two years (and technically not OFFICIALLY broken up) you can’t just jump into a new relationship after six months. Thats a mistake that is made too often. I’ve even done it myself...hell that’s how I ended up in my last situation. I need time to cool off and find myself. Wait...that sounds corny. 

Seriously though, I gotta take time to evaluate my last relationship and figure out what went wrong (although I already have a pretty good idea). And I can’t do that with another dude tied to my arm. Besides, I’m kinda sorta enjoying the single life.

Being single is what you make of it. Yeah there are people that say the single life sucks and I understand how that feels. After all, the weather is about to get cold and its gonna be cuffin season. Cold nights by the fireplace sipping hot chocolate with the boo...laying up on the couch watching movies...hot passionate sex. Yup, that’s what its all about.

UNFORTUNATELY I can’t be cuffed right now. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the other person because they wouldn’t have my full attention. I have a lot going on right now. School, work, running a business, trying to have a social life. Yeah, so a relationship doesn’t quite fit into the equation. And I tell niggas all the time “I’m not looking for a relationship” but they keep trying to tie me down. And then get mad at ME when things don’t go their way. Its really not my fault.

And for some strange reason, the young kids love me. I’m talking about the 17-18 year olds. Can’t do it...I’m not going to jail for ANYBODY (except Diggy Simmons...when will he be 18?) I don’t have time to sit around changing diapers and wiping noses. Tha fuck I look like running a day care center?

I’m learning a lot about myself though...I learned that I have a TYPE, and most of the dudes I’ve dated/talked to/played around with in the best were the exact opposite. Does that make sense? Hell naw...but it is what it is. And I learned that I only have 3 simple requirements:

1. Be able to cook
2. SEX SEX SEX
3. Leave me the hell alone so I can play video games or watch football

Don’t get me wrong, I know how to cook my own food. I’m not saying I want somebody thats gonna have breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the table when I ask for it (although that would be nice), I just want somebody that CAN cook. Is that too much to ask?

Coming Out of My Shell

I’m shy as fuck. I know...its REALLY hard to believe that a guy like me can be so shy, but I am. I’m so shy its scary. I’ve always been this way...ever since I was a little gay boy trying to navigate my way through this big gay world. I have to be drunk to approach another dude at the club. Ok maybe not drunk...but tipsy. I don’t like rejection, so I just stay to myself. Unless I got liquor in my system...then I really don’t give a fuck. Yeah...that’s stupid. By refusing to step out of my comfort zone I’m missing out on a lotta things. I mean who knows, Bow Wow might be tryna hit me up, but I’m gonna miss out because I’m all shy and shyt. Then again, he has that “baby” (I wanna see a paternity test, remind me to call Maury) so that’s probably not gonna happen. But that’s not the point. I’m too old to be this damn shy...and I’m cute as hell with a decent lil body (I’m workin on it, even though I haven’t been to the gym in 3 weeks. Don’t judge me) so I shouldn’t have any problems. Niggas should be flocking in my direction...they should be on my dick like a fat hoe on a Whopper. On my ass like Eddie Long at a high school freshmen orientation. Ok, maybe that was a bit much. 

This is part of a deeper issue. I think many of us GAYS have self esteem issues, whether we wanna admit it or not. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m ugly by ANY means, and you wouldn’t either if you ever saw me (I promise I’m not conceited). But everyone thinks they have a flaw that stands out whenever they are in a crowd. Maybe they think they are too skinny...or too fat...or they don’t have enough booty...or whatever. We always see other men that seem to get whatever they want in this lifestlyle, and that makes us step back. Makes us feel slightly inadequate. Emphasis on the word SLIGHTLY. 

But it really shouldn’t matter. Life is about seeing what you want and going after it, no matter what it takes. Don’t worry about the consequences...just go for it. Just do it...just make it happen. And if a bitch don’t like it they can suck my dangalang. 

Ugh...I’m starting to ramble and I forgot my original point. Something about being shy...seriously though I gotta step out of the box. Fuck what someone else thinks....

*raises glass*

Cheers to all the shy niggas! We will eventually overcome that nonsense and run the world.